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| IN THE LIGHTER MOOD |
10/17/2007 |
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Bad Example
A boy was reported to his mother for going to watch a strip show. His mother found out about this and was furious with him asking him: ” And did you by any chance see anything you should not have seen!“ when he replied: ”Yes, l saw DAD“.
Mother-in-law problem
Wife to Husband: ” A great disaster was averted today. When my mother was passing from below the clock, it fell. Had she been late by a few seconds, the bloody thing would have fallen on her.“
Husband TO Wife: "I know this useless clock is always slow!!"
So mummy, you were a bad child?
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out. So, she looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mummy, how come ALL of grandma''''''''s hairs are white?"
A prayer that can never be answered
A girl was praying in the Church after the Worship service:
"Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
"Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
"Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
The pastor heard her, was worried and wondered if she was mentally okay.He came to her side and asked: "Why must you pray so, my child?"
Girl: "That''''''''s what I''''''''ve written in my answer sheet in the examination!"
Let sleeping dog lie
An eight year old boy was taken to court for rape.
His case was so bad because many witnesses stood against him even medical report of the victim was so weighty.
His defense attorney, who was a woman, would not want to hear defeat or to give up the case.
“ My lord, this is just a little boy. Just look at him”. She pulled the boy’s pants in court so that everybody would see his manhood. “Just look at this little thing! Is this what could have caused the kind of damage the medical report presented? I think the victim should look for the real rapist. Not this innocent boy.”
At that point the boy whispered to her: ”Auntie you must stop shaking it so vigorously...we will lose the case!“
Deliverance From a Terrible Church
A foreign preacher went to a church to preach. After the service, it was time to take offering. There was no offering bag. So, the foreign preacher gave his cap to the usher to pass round and get the offering.
When the cap came back to the preacher there was not one single cent dropped into the cap. The foreign preacher was so shocked. He told the host pastor “at least, l thank God, they returned my cap to me. This is a terrible church “
The host pastor replied: “ you have not seen nothing yet”
ok so there are 2 white men and 1 Black man. they are walking in a forest hunting and they take a break, so they sit on a log and the Black guy gets bit by a snake on his butt. he is screaming and telling them to go get help, so one of the white men go into town and ask the doctor what to do and he says "you have to cut an X on the spot where he got bit and then suck the blood out," so the white man goes back into the forest and the Black guy says "what did he say, what can we do" and the white man says "nigga ur gonna die."
WIFE VS.HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position... As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Have we reached Naivasha?
A story is told of this young girl who boarded a bus from Nairobi. The bus was headed for Western Kenya. On reaching Westlands the gal got from her seat and walked to the driver and asked, ''''''''Tumefika Naivasha (have we reached Naivasha) ?" In amazement the driver answered her, "bado mtoto" (not yet). On they moved and on reaching Kangemi the gal walked to the driver again,"Tumefika Naivasha (have we reached Naivasha)?" "Bado" (not yet) the driver replied. After another 10 mins, the girl asked the same question and the same answer was given.The
driver was by now getting very irritated by the little one who was asking if they had reached Naivasha after every few minutes but the passengers just looked on. The next time she asked the driver promised that he would alert her when they got to Naivasha, ! "Tukifika Naivasha, nitakwambia." So the young girl relaxed, sat on her seat and perhaps even Blacked out. On reaching Naivasha, the driver had neatly forgotten the deal, so he just continued driving and
twenty minutes after Naivasha the gal stood up and asked the driver the usual question. Oh Oh, the driver had no words now that he had forgotten to keep his promise. The fellow passengers in anger started quarrelling the driver for failing the young one. They demanded that she be driven back to Naivasha then they proceed to wherever. Being the good driver the guy turned and drove back to Naivasha and told the gal, "Sasa tuko Naivasha." (Now we are in Naivasha). The gal stood up, stretched her hands to the luggage rack, picked her bag, opened it, removed bread and milk, sat down and started eating the bread and drinking the milk. Now everyone in the bus wondered and just looked at the gal. So the driver goes, "Tumefika Naivasha, si
ushuke!" (we&! nbsp; are in Naivasha why don’t you get of the bus?) And the gal goes, "mum told me that when we reach Naivasha, I should pick my packed lunch and eat. Where are you heading? " asked the driver. "I am going to Western Kenya"
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